He Did Provide Means for Us

I consider myself a woman of faith. I have really tried to live my life with the Lord at the reins. I feel like I have had enough experiences in life to remind me that when I put my complete and total trust in God, that my life is better…fuller. So it’s humbling and interesting to me to realize that in one of the most important decisions I would ever need to make, starting our family, I wasn’t including Him in my blueprint.

Our first year of marriage, I had a good excuse. I couldn’t get pregnant. The Doctors told me I would need to wait a year to get pregnant after radiation. I was off the hook.

Our second year of marriage, I had no excuse. Except I made one up anyway. I can’t remember if it was, “Well we don’t know where we are going to end up.” Or if I would think, “I know I have been cancer free for a year now, and the Doctors gave us the go ahead, but maybe I should just keep waiting anyway.” Whatever my excuses were, I assure you…they were good. I am an Excuse-Making genius.

Back in December of 2009, we found ourselves between apartments, Caribbean-bound, and living in my Dad’s basement. My sweet husband, whose dream it was to begin our family practically the day we married, would just keep his thoughts to himself. He knew I was afraid. And I sounded pretty adamant about MY plan, so he just casually mentioned that he thinks we should start to consider starting a family. He was patient. He was understanding. And the more and more I considered this “family” business, the more and more I was convinced that it wasn’t the right time.

We didn’t know if we were going to end up in the Caribbean for school. And I certainly didn’t want to have a baby in the first year of Medical School. The only thing I could think of that made sense was that the baby would be born in 2010, and I like even-numbered years. I presented my reasons to Brandon, and his simple response was, “Stuff like that doesn’t matter. If we are doing what the Lord wants us to do, everything else works out.” My humble, faithful, man of Faith.

So, I did what I should have done a long time ago. I took my question to the Lord. It was a cold rainy day in January, so I sat in my car on my lunch break. I brought out my scriptures and opened with a prayer, which went something like, “Heavenly Father. I really don’t think we should be starting our family right now. I just want to wait. Can’t we just wait for at least a couple of months until we find out where we are going to end up? I bet we’ll know the U of U’s decision by April. We can just wait until April to start trying, can’t we? I can’t deliver on an island! I need an epidural!” And in the way the Lord always answers our prayers, a quiet, humble and peaceful moment began. I had started ::again:: my yearly reading of the Book of Mormon, which brought me again to 1^st Nephi. These were the words I turned to:

“1 …And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.

2 And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.

3 And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.” (1 Nephi 17: 1-3)

I closed the book, and then I laughed. And then a tear fell down my face. Now there are only a handful of moments in my life where I have received a direct answer through a specific scripture, and I do believe that this moment will become one of the best turning points in my life.

We weren’t going to be living in the wilderness! We would have food; we would even have a clean hospital! All fear left my thoughts, and I said a prayer of gratitude. All of this time, I really thought I knew what our plan should be. All of this time, I had everything planned out. And all of this time, I was forgetting to consult with my Maker. He who knows my life from the beginning to end would surely have our best interest in mind.

And so, we were blessed beyond measure. We were lucky because we finally decided to begin our family, and the Lord agreed.

Five weeks later, we waited for those 2 minutes of the Pregnancy Test. We walked into the bathroom, I peered behind Brandon’s shoulder as he looked at the Plus sign. He cheered, he hugged me…he was so excited. And I was too. I was ready, but I would be lying if in my head I didn’t think to myself, “I might really have to deliver on an island.” But it didn’t matter anymore, because I knew the Lord would nourish us, and strengthen us, and provide a means for us to begin our family in 2010. And we were going to be having a Baby!

That very next night, we got the call from Brandon’s Mom that his letter from the University of Utah had arrived in the mail…..

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” (Matt. 6:34.)

I realize how much of a blessing it truly is to be pregnant, to start a family, and to do it without complications. I am humbled and amazed that we are blessed to have this new life and new experience.